In my lifetime of 32 years, I have been in several different churches. Growing up, we were apart of a church that was labeled “non-denominational”. They did so many shady things at that church, I can’t even begin to explain it. They manipulated people into giving so they could afford their big houses and cars. They said if you didn’t pray in tongues, you weren’t really a Christian. It was a lot of legalism and works-based Christianity. It was a miserable way to think about God and left me fairly confused about God growing up and even into my adult hood years.
When I was about 13, we attended another non-denominational church, The Vineyard. They have many church branches. The thing that differed from our previous church was they weren’t all about the money. They were however, about the falling over, the getting drunk in the spirit, the over the top stuff that they explained with Bible verses, prophecies, and the like. At first, it seemed really normal to me as I grew up with it. When I got married, we went back to that church a few times and I remember there was a “Prophet” there pulling people out of the audience and telling them to repent. This made my stomach turn. Part of it was that I felt like I already was carrying around a ton of shameful things, I didn’t want some strange guy pointing it out to the entire church. The other part of it was I couldn’t wrap my head around all of this “showy” stuff. It didn’t line up to me with scripture.
We attended a few other churches just trying to find a place where we belonged. One was the church my husband grew up in which was Lutheran turned non-denominational. More of the same. So now we knew we just didn’t belong in the non-denominational atmosphere. So we tried an Evangelical Free Church instead. In fact, we tried 2 of them. I can’t blame these churches entirely for not meeting our needs. I think, I really didn’t know what I wanted in a church. I was just meandering around much of the time trying to figure God out. But after spending several years in these kinds of churches, it just felt so empty and meaningless.
There were some good things about the Evangelical Churches. For one, there was much more of a community because it was a medium sized church (or about 200 members). There was plenty of opportunities to feel apart of something. People were engaging, drawing you in to these groups. If you were looking for a club to join, this was the place. Yet, I still felt very alone. Much of the teachings or lack of it, would just drive me in a rage. For instance, when the Pastor of this church would quote a scripture, he would leave parts of it out, especially if it could cause some kind of disagreement. It just made me really mad! To me, this church just was there to draw in the young people. They wanted everyone to feel welcome and one of their statements was something about how they didn’t care how you dressed. There was many a time I was appalled at how some of the childcare workers were dressed. It just made me cringe.
One of the times I was at this certain church and my son, who was only a baby at the time cried most of the time while in the nursery. When I came to pick him up, I was told he won the “bad baby award”. This pretty much did me in. After that, everything started going downhill. I thought if you can’t see how precious the littlest of us are, how can you see anyone as precious then? After that, I started noticing what is referred to as the “Emergent Church” belief system. I was hungry for truth, not watered down theology and I certainly wasn’t getting it there. I was tired of Christians in the church turning a blind eye to things like gambling, drunkenness, lewd talk about women, worldly gain, and other sins. Instead, they would use phrases like “well if Jesus was here, he’d have a beer with those people.” Seriously?? I think not.
So my husband and I left the church. We didn’t know where we were going to go or if we’d even go back. We just knew that wasn’t for us. We weren’t sure if we were the problem or the church was. Either way, we didn’t fit in and there was no going back to that.
To be continued…Read Part 2 here.
Stay and read more:
Monday, January 4th, 2010, 3:07 pm | 
Christian Walk, Church Life | 
RSS feed
Comments and pings are currently closed.
January 5, 2010 at 7:54 am
Very real post. You’ve pulled up some poignant memories for me growing up. Often, I have been left with unanswered questions and disappointment as I watch those whom I’d admired doing acts which they taught me never to do. Hypocrisies and vanities abounded everywhere I turned.
Now, I am a shepherd of a church. A non-denominational one at that! lol I would love to have coffee sometime with you and here the rest of what’s not in this blog. I would have a notebook and pen writing furiously.
Wow. We’ve got a lot of work to do.
January 5, 2010 at 9:11 am
First off, I’d like to say that I’m sorry that you’ve had so many bad experiences with so many different churches. I know what you’re going through! I’ve been there myself. You walk into the building, you look around you and you see what’s going on, and you know that God’s not in it. The only thing that you can do is turn around and walk out.
I just want to encourage you not to give up on church. There are some excellent churches out there, with excellent ministers. They stick to scripture. They preach & teach the whole truth, and they love on everyone who comes through the doors.
I feel so blessed that I have the church family that I do, now. My wife and I, along with our son, have been with this body for 6 years now. I love them, I love the church, and I couldn’t imagine myself anywhere else right now, even though I know that God has other plans for me, as well as for my Pastor and his family. We’re not always going to be together.
With that said, the last 6 years hasn’t always been easy. I’ve seen people on staff behave in very ungodly like ways. I’ve heard things preached from the pulpit that I haven’t always agreed with. I’ve been unjustly rebuked several times. I even got called self-righteous once by my Pastor!!
I’ve wanted to leave several times. I even started to leave once because I was jealous of someone. It was something so stupid, so petty. But it was enough to make me want to break off fellowship with my spiritual family.
But I didn’t leave. I’ve stayed there for 6 years. Not only do I attend, but I serve in the ministry beside my Pastor now, and I love it more than ever!!
The thing that kept me there was that I kept being reminded that when we went looking for a church, I asked God to put us where He wanted us, not so much where we thought we should go.
I remember my wife and I praying, asking God to put us somewhere where we could serve, and not just be served.
You had said, “I can’t blame these churches entirely for not meeting our needs.”
My question to you is are you going to church to be served? Or are you going to church to serve others?
My next question is are you serving God? or is God serving you?
You said in your last paragraph, “We weren’t sure if we were the problem or the church was.”
Both are problems. And both are the solution for one another.
Neither one are perfect. I’ve have yet to walk into a perfect church, with a perfect Pastor, with the perfect worship team, and a perfect children’s ministry. Every church has their issues. We need grace for those issues.
If we’re not going to church to serve, then we are only going to be served. When our needs aren’t being met it’s so easy to pack up and leave, instead of staying, serving others, and being apart of the solution.
I know that this is only Part 1 of why you left the church, and I know my response may be a little premature, so please forgive me if I’m off base at all.
But I would like to know in all of these churches that you were apart of what you did to be apart of the solution? Did you talk to someone on staff? A council member? An elder? Did you go to the Pastor with your concerns? Or did you simply chose to leave the church in the same condition as you found it?
I would hope that if someone in our church thought that we was doing something unBiblical that they would atleast love us & care about us enough to bring it into the light as opposed to leaving it in the darkness and just walking away.
January 5, 2010 at 9:56 am
Joseph, I’m not against non denominational churches per se. I just haven’t had that great of luck with them. And maybe I’m looking for something in them that I couldn’t find. There is no perfect church, that is for sure. Thanks for taking the time to read my blog and comment
January 5, 2010 at 10:00 am
Pastor Eric, thank you so much for posting on my blog. I know I didn’t post part 2, but really you are right. We did go to church just to be served. I felt like I needed to know more of God and it just wasn’t working. Of course, I did help in the nursery. I even offered at times to help with some administrative stuff for the group we were in, but many times they shot me down. There were plenty of opportunities to do childcare there, but I wanted to serve in other ways since I’m a stay at home mom already. At first, I probably just went there to fulfill a need to be apart of something, to grow in the Lord through good teaching, and lean on other people. That didn’t happen. I even tried to “serve” thinking that in and of itself would make me happy. I’ll try to post more on this in my next blog post. I’m working it up.
January 5, 2010 at 1:27 pm
Thanks for your honesty. It takes a lot of guts to say it like it is. Can’t wait to read what else you’ve got. I’ll put on some steel-toed boots first! lol
January 5, 2010 at 1:43 pm
I’m really not that mean!! LOL. Seriously, I hope that I don’t come across as mean spirited or cruel. I can sometimes say things and I’m not trying to be insulting. I don’t like dishonesty…at all. But feel free to stick it to me if I cross a line. I’m all ears.
January 6, 2010 at 10:59 am
Haven’t been able to comment on your site, looks like you changed blog homes? Anyway love this post….I knew you had a lot of spiritual abuse but no doubt God was tugging at your heart to find Him, and a place where you can worship Him in a healthy setting. Piper and your church no doubt are amazing.
January 6, 2010 at 12:16 pm
Hi J!
My website is the same. The blog address is a bit different. Sorry about that. My blog crashed (or actually I crashed it) so I had to revamp and start over. I was kind of bummed, but its good. I am rethinking my blogging and taking it a bit more seriously. Well thanks for the comments. I always look forward to your thoughts.
Trackbacks
January 9, 2010 at 4:56 pm