Posts tagged ‘marriage’

August 6th, 2010

Sleeping through a tornado

by MB

My husband has a really annoying habit of turning on a movie and then falling asleep 5 minutes into it.  I’m always the one who doesn’t want to watch the movie in the first place, but then its on and I can’t go to sleep (I’m such an auditory person…any noise will keep me awake).  I start talking to him and I look over and he’s practically snoring.  It drives me insane.

When I was pregnant with my children, there was an ongoing joke in our house that I would be driving myself to the hospital because my husband can sleep through a tornado.  If I need his help and he’s sleeping, I might as well forget about it.  I literally have to scream in order for him to wake up.  It’s like he’s half dead.

It’s easy for us to think of God like this too.  We try to fit Him in some kind of human box and make Him more like us.  We think He isn’t listening.  We think we need to speak louder or more often.  We might pray about something, but we think God doesn’t care so we go try our own methods of getting what we want.  We play games with our own thoughts thinking God is not listening.  Worse yet, we don’t think God can see us or that He knows our hearts.  How can God be everywhere?  We can’t fathom that God is someone who is beyond our comprehension.  He can’t possibly know that I did that.  He can’t possibly know what I’m thinking.

Psalms 121:2-4 says:

My help comes from the LORD,
the Maker of heaven and earth.
He will not let your foot slip—

he who watches over you will not slumber;
indeed, he who watches over Israel
will neither slumber nor sleep.

I was thinking about this verse where it says “he…will neither slumber or sleep”. I was trying to figure out if God was trying to be repetitive. I looked up the word slumber. It of course means to sleep. It also means “A state of inactivity or dormancy.” That got me thinking about how God is always moving, always active, always playing a hand in each step of our lives. God is not inactive. He doesn’t sleep. There is nothing that He doesn’t know about. There is no small detail left to fate. God knows it all.

Stop for a second and think about this powerful truth. God knows every thought, deed, unspoken word, circumstance, and heart issue you are dealing with. He doesn’t just know it in this moment, He knows it from the moment He formed you. He knows what every day, ever minute, every second of your life has been so far and He knows what is to come. There is nothing that gets overlooked and nothing left untouched. God isn’t sleeping. God does not slumber. He has a very active hand in your comings and goings. He knows where your steps lead and where they have taken you.

I am going to choose to believe this truth today. God knows me. He knows my deepest hurts and my greatest joys. He knows what is to come. Thank you God for knowing me better than I know myself. We are loved by an all knowing God. Breath that in.

Proverbs 16:9 “In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps.”

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CategoryBible, Christian Walk, Encouragement, God's Sovereignty, family life, marriage | Comment3 Comments »

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April 12th, 2010

My Solution to all Marriage Problems

by MB

Today in school we learned that the greek word, “techne” means skill or art.  I think my husband has the skill of making me feel like I’m incompetent and he doesn’t even mean it most of the time.

This weekend, I had to use his new car and so he told me I had to “wiggle the keys” when I took it out of the ignition.  Then he insisted that I come and practice so he could show me what he was talking about.  Apparently “wiggle the keys” required some training.  I begrudgingly followed him to the car and placed the key in the ignition.  Then I turned off the car, wiggled the keys and pulled out the key.  Wala!  Apparently I’m a genius when it comes to wiggling keys.  I graduated with flying colors.

Some of our conversations are quite hilarious.  Well I think so anyway.  I am pretty sure my husband has shares in Microsoft or something.  Here is a recent discussion we had:

Me: I hate Vista.  I can’t even print anything!

Husband: It isn’t Vista.  It’s probably the program.

Me: Well, I never had this problem before when we had XP.

Husband: Well these programs should be Vista compliant by now.  Vista has been out for a long time.

Me:  Ok, why don’t you write them a letter and tell them all about it.

Husband: Move over.  Let me try something.

(45 minutes later)

Husband: I don’t know why it won’t print.  I’ll have to do some more research.

Me: Ugh.  Nevermind.  I’ll just go use my mom’s computer.  It has XP.  Vista sucks.

Husband: It isn’t Vista’s fault!

Last night, I was on my new laptop which has Windows 7, by the way, and is much easier to use than our computer with Vista.  I have never owned a laptop in my entire life and mine was starting to bug me.  The mouse pad had a mind of its own.  I was using a regular mouse, but the keypad on the laptop was closing windows everytime I tried to type or anything.   I said, “How frustrating.  This computer keeps closing all my open windows.  It’s all wiggy.”  My husband, clearly upset that I was insulting my laptop, asked, “Why don’t you just disable it?”  Wow.  If I knew you could disable it, I would not have complained.  Clearly my forehead must contain the words “IDIOT” in big block letters because if I would have known about the button to disable it, I must be stupid because I didn’t do it.

I’ve come to a realization about all of this though.  Full circle, if you will.  I recently got a glimpse inside my husband’s work world and what he deals with everyday there.  He works with mostly women with the exception of one co-worker and his boss who are men.  All day long, he is constantly interrupted by women who are about to have a heart attack because their computers are not working.  They come down to his cube in a panic pleading for help and wanting my husband to drop everything right now.   Other women in different departments are also calling him during the day with their computer issues.  Most of it is stupid, piddly problems that a monkey could solve.  However, they act like they are going to die if they don’t get help right this instant. He deals with that all day long.  Everyone is in a panic and if he doesn’t respond right away, someone will most definitely be down in his cube and in his face.  It made me realize that he has little patience left over for me when he comes home.

To prove my point, I will end with a humorous story about another conflict we had. My husband is a pretty serious guy, yet likable.  One time we were arguing and I can’t even remember what I said to him, but he looked at me completely serious and he said “Why do you have to get all up in my grill?”  I could not even handle it for one second.  I burst into laughter and tears.  This coming from a guy with glasses who works on computers.  I almost died. Apparently, he must have a hard time compartmentalizing his wife from his female co-workers because I too am up in “his grill”.

When we get into arguments now and he starts treating me like one of his co-workers, I simply say “Why do you have to get all up in my grill?”  and we end up laughing because it really is that funny.   Computers, cars, kids…my new solution is to throw some off the wall comment around and see where it lands.  Most often than not, it’s hilarious.  Here are some others you can try:

Fo Shizzle, my Nizzle

What’s up Dawg?

You be crazy, son.

Why you got to be dipping your fingas in my koolaid?

That’s gangsta

Drop it like its hot.

Word.

Disclaimer: I’m not a real marriage counselor.  I just play one on the internet ;) .  Actual results may vary.

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April 9th, 2010

Turn back the clock

by MB

I used to follow this blog, but then I saw this video.  One of the women in this video owns a Christian blog and was found by Rachel Ray and was on her show. The show was about going back to the 50′s era and being a wife that basically does everything for her husband and somehow that is supposed to be fulfilling.  I am not buying it, but apparently most people do.

What do you think?  Do you think that having sex with your husband whenever he wants it, doing all the childcare, the cooking, and doing it when the husband wants it is really biblical and fulfilling?  (By the way, please point to me where it says you have to have sex whenever your husband wants it.  I have not read that verse but if there is one, I’d like to see it).  Or if you are a man, do you think this is how marriage should be?  Is this how your marriage is? If so, props to you.

Honestly, I think if men were holding up their end of the marriage, I could maybe see this happening.  Still, I’m not feminist or anything, but I find it weird and unnatural to do something against my will.  Having dinner on the table when my husband walks in the door isn’t always possible after a long day of homeschooling and the kids are whining and screaming and I have butts to wipe and messes to clean up and my husband doesn’t always come home at the same time every night.  Seriously, I kind of feel like this is an unreal expectation.  It’s something I do try to do, but it isn’t a deal breaker or anything.

The comment that really bugged me is when she said “I would never dream of asking my husband for help.”  But he can ask you for sex?  UGH.  I just kind of feel like marriage should be a partnership, not demanding but loving.  I think of Ecclesiastes 4:10-12 where it says:

If one falls down,
his friend can help him up.
But pity the man who falls
and has no one to help him up!

Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm.
But how can one keep warm alone?

Though one may be overpowered,
two can defend themselves.
A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.

If this “arrangement” works for this family, then great. I don’t take issue with that. I just think that not every home should or can operate this way. Maybe she is fine doing things on her own and leaning on no person (maybe she leans on God) for help. I find with 3 kids in my home all day and one with autism, this is not possible. I need as much help as I can get and if my husband isn’t that person, then what good is our marriage? We’ve resorted to roles. I have now become just a mistress but in return I get a house (that I have to keep cleaned every day). I don’t mean to minimize this sort of thing because she seems happy and that is great. I just find it hard to believe that most marriages are this way. I think you need a little give and take and going back to the 50′s era doesn’t seem like the appropriate thing for all marriages.  I think men could watch this video and it could be dangerous.  I can’t imagine a man with the wrong motives thinking he owns his wife and she must do as he says.

Of course there are a lot of women who despise submission.  I have to say I have a really hard time with it.  Things would be much different if we both understood biblical living better I suppose.

So what do you think?

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February 8th, 2010

If you expect happy, please leave

by MB

Til Death do us part. You were made for one another. You complete me.

Sigh.

Really? Lately I don’t feel any of it except for maybe the death thing. My days consist of needy children and tons of stress, cleaning house, and trying to make the people in my life not mad at me. I feel like a slave. There is no me anymore.

I used to love a lot of things. I liked poetry, music, and nature. Now the closest thing I get to that is listening to my child’s rendition of “Jesus loves me” and watching them run around like wild animals. I don’t regret my kids. I just feel like this is it.

This house would not run without me here. My husband does things, sure. But the last 5 years he’s been in school and my life has been nothing but pure chaos. In fact, he’s been in school on and off my entire 11 1/2 years of marriage and frankly, it sucks. When he is in school, he’s just focused on that. He doesn’t get enough sleep. He acts like a complete jerk. I asked him a question this morning and got my head bit off. And somehow he’s going to “make it up” to me when he’s done in June. I hardly think so. Because frankly, I’m bitter. I’m angry at all the nights I went to bed by myself and he rolled his rear up there at 3am. I’m angry at all the times he yelled at the kids to be quiet when they were just being kids. I’m angry at all the times I needed him and he brushed me off with a pat answer because he was just too busy for me. I can’t tell you how many times we were invited to social things and we had to say NO because of his school. Now, I’ve come to a place where I’m even more angry because now he is using his school as an excuse not to go to church. My kids see this of course and don’t want to go to church either.

Yesterday I went to church completely by myself. I usually take a kid along, but none of them wanted to come with me. I drove 25 minutes in complete silence, except for the sound of the car. I sat through the pre-school class, the entire time just wanting to break down and cry. That I did, all the way home. My life is not my own anymore. This is not what I imagined when I said “I do”. Of course, it never is. But this just seems so isolating and lonely. It feels like I’m married to a robot who goes to work, comes home and does school. I hate it.

It would be ok if he was content to get a B, but he never will. He can’t stand being less than perfect. Funny how that works. His marriage is less than perfect, but he could care less. Gotta get that stinking A. UGH. And he won’t make time for church, but he’ll make time to play basketball or watch the game. I just want to scream.

I’ve come to the conclusion at this point, that I am just here serving a role. It shouldn’t be that way, but that is how it is. I can’t make him be a husband who puts his family first. I can’t make him care about me more than an A. And I also can’t make myself not be bitter. It is what it is. I’ve been replaced by school work, sports and a computer. Whatever was of ME is gone and now I’m just here to make sure everyone else is happy, but me. I guess that is the gospel or so I’ve been told. Give of yourself. Spend yourself. Ok, been there, done that. What’s left? Oh yeah, right…heaven. Well heaven can take me anyday now because this world sucks. True story.

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