I’ve been thinking a lot about suffering lately. Probably because I’m reading about it. Also because I’m enduring it. And more importantly, because I see others are also suffering and I wish I could help. Something Steve Saint wrote has stuck with me, “Sufferers want to be ministered to by people who have suffered”. This is so true.
I have seen people in “ministry” who lack compassion. I have seen others who have compassion, but lack common sense. I have been the recipient of well-meaning people telling me all kinds of things when I’ve been down in the dumps. Everything from “You need to see counselor”, to “maybe medication will help” and my all time favorite, “Just trust Jesus”. All of these things are not bad, but is that all I really need? Will my funk or depression really be cured if I do one of the above?
One time I was going through a major set-back. I seem to have them often and I lose focus quite easily. I just didn’t see the point of life at all and wondered why God even created me. I thought that my purpose was rather silly and even questioned my own security in Jesus. A well meaning friend told me to “just give it to God. He cares”. That really annoyed me. I know she meant well. I know she said all those words with everything she had because she wanted better. I have no doubts that her intent was pure. But words like that seem to fall on the ears of the depressed and instead of hearing sweetness, they hear “Lady, just get over it.”
Something really encouraged me this week as I was reading it. In Suffering and the Sovereignty of God, Dustin Shramek says something very thought provoking:
The pain of suffering is both dark and deep. This is crucial to see, for when we minimize the pain we fail to love others and we fail to honor God.
I have rarely felt that suffering is a good thing in my life. Whenever I’ve said anything, whether it be to a friend, a family member, a ministry worker, or a Bible Study leader — my feeling after sharing my vulnerabilities have always left me feeling less of a Christian. Shramek shares his own suffering:
This was certainly what my wife and I experienced after our son Owen died in 2003. We were living in the Middle East, and as Kellie went into labor we were medically evacuated to Istanbul, Turkey, where premature babies have a better chance of survival. He was born October 3, but he only lived for twenty minutes. I saw him kicking and moving and heard him give one little cry, but that was it. Our firstborn was dead….Many people said things to us like, “Look to Jesus! Trust in his promises. He does care for you. You need to get in the Word and pray and fight for your joy. You need to talk with others about this and have them pray for you.” We knew that this is true and right; yet, when we were overwhelmed with grief, it felt hollow and unhelpful. We needed to know that they too had been changed by our pain; that, in some sense, it was also their pain. We don’t love others in the midst of this kind of pain by pretending that it isn’t all that bad or by trying to quickly fix it with some pat theological answers. We love them by first weeping with them. It is when we enter into their pain and are ourselves changed by it that we can speak the truth in love. When their pain becomes our pain (as Paul said, “If one member suffers, all suffer together” [1 Cor. 12:26]), we are able to give the encouragement of the Scriptures.
He goes on to talk about how we can become “grief-avoiders”, trying to escape any kind of pain or hurting so we never have to feel bad. I can so relate to that. Who likes to feel bad? Who likes to suffer? We can’t be grief-avoiders. We have to deal with the pain. We know that Christians suffer, but we must think about what that suffering is. It is painful and hard and lonely. We question God. We question ourselves. But we are not the only ones who have done so.
One of the finishing paragraphs of the chapter says this:
Why is the depth of Christ’s pain significant for us? Because “we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin” (Heb 4:15). In the midst of our pain we may feel alone and believe that no one has hurt as badly as we hurt. But it isn’t true. Jesus Christ has felt such pain; Indeed, he has felt pain that would have destroyed us. He is able to sympathize. “Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need” (Heb. 4:16).
Suffering is normal. Pain is normal. Being down in the dumps is normal. God doesn’t want us to stay there, but He also wants us to know that we are not crazy, weird Christians who are going to lose our salvation because we don’t feel joyful. Psalm 88 is proof that Christians suffer, but if you read this Psalm, you will find that David, even while in pain, never stops talking to God. No matter what we are dealing with, let us not be silent. God hears us. Let us be like David, when he says “O LORD, the God who saves me, day and night I cry out before you.” In the midst of your pain, don’t be afraid to talk to God. He knows your heart and what you are going through. He loves you.
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