Posts tagged ‘children’

July 20th, 2010

The joys of parenting

by MB

Parenting is hard. These last few weeks have been difficult to parent. Probably more so than any other weeks of my parenting life thus far. My son is quite difficult. There are underlying factors to why he is the way he is, but about 50% of it is pure rebellion. He wants to sin. That is all there is to it. Yes, he has other issues, like he gets crabby because he can’t take a nap and he stays up way too late (which we realize is caused from over stimulation from the TV and too much sugar), or he is the youngest so he feels like he always has to get attention and most times that means the bad way. He just is a complicated little guy. He’ll be 4 soon and sometimes I feel like I have to make up for lost time.

This summer has been hard in the respect that my mom is gone and it makes it hard for me to want to discipline the kids. I am tired and depressed and the thought of battling a kid isn’t always the top of my priority list. Nonetheless, the last week or so, I’ve been putting my foot down much more. I wish people were more understanding of my situation, but they aren’t. I’m not sure what it is in me — maybe the fact that I feel like I’ve failed my kids, or possibly because I just feel so overwhelmed most days — but I was on the verge of tears today. Not really at my son, but because of the reaction from someone else regarding my son and aimed right at me.

The kids have been fighting so much this summer, I’m about to send them all off to camp or something. It’s obnoxious and I think they are just bored. Well the kids were on the front porch today in the pool and I was sitting inside doing some work around the house. I could hear them and I would check on them every so often to make sure no one was drowning each other. I have no idea what happened, but all I heard was lots of screaming and then the neighbor guy telling my son that he didn’t need to yell at him and that big boys don’t yell. I came out right as this was all happening and he turned and walked away all mad. I brought all the kids in and got what I could of a story out of them. I found out that my son had yelled at the neighbor when the neighbor was trying to help him. This wasn’t cool at all and so I gave my son a bath, dressed him, and walked him over to the neighbors house.

I walked over and the neighbor didn’t look like he wanted to see me at all. I made my son apologize, which he did and asked for forgiveness. The neighbor kept saying “I thought you were really hurt. Big boys don’t yell.” Honestly, I didn’t think that an almost 4 year old boy could make someone so mad, but apparently he was really mad still. So I asked what happened and he looked at me with a scowl and said “psh. I don’t know”. I kind of got the feeling like he was mad at me for not watching them closer. Even though the apology was said, I walked away feeling kind of like “why did I even bother?” I know for a fact none of the other neighbors would have dragged their kids over to apologize. They would have chalked it up to “kids stuff” and moved on. To be honest, I certainly felt awkward walking my kid over there and making him apologize, but I know that is what God would want.

So I don’t know why I feel like I did something wrong. I guess I just feel, again, like a failure. I wish I had robot children that listened to me and never got crabby or yelled or were disrespectful. I later found out that my son was not hurt, but just yelling because he was mad. Maybe the neighbor, who only ever had girls, doesn’t know what it is like to deal with a boy with a lot of energy. The kid screams about everything. If I could change it, I would.

Besides all of this, I took him to the doc today and he has some virus. I also have to have him get an OT evaluation because he has sensory issues. It just makes me feel like I failed somewhere and that people will never really understand me or my kids. So instead of explaining myself, I get mad because I realize that people don’t want to even try. I have to answer to God, not man, but sometimes it would be nice if man weren’t so prideful and could just accept an apology from a 4 year old who says “will you forgive me?”

Fences make good neighbors.

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July 5th, 2010

I’m nobody. Who are you?

by MB

I’m reading this book to review by a Jesuit priest called “Tattoos of the Heart”.  In the book, he talks about how he started an organization to help gangsters get on their feet.  He often refers to how they looked within themselves and God found them sacred.  Often times the book annoys me  because it keeps talking about how these gangsters, in their own power and with the help of this organization, were able to become something.  The book had a ton of great points and I loved the servants hearts of the mission, but I found myself saying too many times, “only by God’s grace, not by your own power were you able to overcome”.  It bothered me the emphasis put on self and how we have so many good traits in us with no mention of who actually gives us those good gifts.

Today, I caught my daughter in a sin.  It was a pretty big one and I was clearly upset.  I felt the burden of it and felt as if I had failed her.  Later though I was reminded that by God’s grace, she was “found out”.   God could have not cared and ignored such a sin, but He did not.  My husband and I found out and we were able to confront her, as awful as it was knowing our “innocent” daughter was not to be trusted.  Even though it bothered me really bad, I had a good conversation about relationships and how when you lie, steal, or cause hurt its hard to get back that trust.  I was able to talk to her about how I want to trust her as she gets older, but I can’t if she is not honest and straight forward with me.  We talked about forgiveness too.  Not my strong point in life, but nonetheless, its a lesson we both need to talk through and realize that relationships can’t be mended without forgiveness.  Jesus forgives us for every sin we commit and continues to forgive us, but we also can’t live on our own strength, without His power in our lives.  We really are nothing without Him.

Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently. But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted. Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. If anyone thinks he is something when he is nothing, he deceives himself. Galatians 6:1-3

It would be easy for any of us to think we are something, when we are nothing. It would be easy to look at my daughter and think I am above her or on a higher level, but let’s face it: we are all capable of evil. The reformed gangsters in “Tattoos of the heart” were not something. They were nothing. It was only because of God’s unending love that they were able to overcome. No priest, no mission, no person can do it without Him.  No success story is a success without seeing the hand of God in it.  Psalms 90 says this:

14 Satisfy us in the morning with your unfailing love,
that we may sing for joy and be glad all our days.

15 Make us glad for as many days as you have afflicted us,
for as many years as we have seen trouble.

16 May your deeds be shown to your servants,
your splendor to their children.

17 May the favor of the Lord our God rest upon us;
establish the work of our hands for us—
yes, establish the work of our hands.

Verse 15 is interesting to me. “Make us glad for as many days as you have afflicted us, for as many years as we have seen trouble.” Why would one be glad at the trouble they have seen? Verse 16 says “May your deeds be shown to your servants, your splendor to their children.” When we face trouble, we see God more clearly. God doesn’t just reveal to us in this passage that He is only there in the good times, but in the affliction and turmoil too.  I took away from this passage that God is to be glorified in every situation – good and bad.  We can do nothing in and of ourselves.  We need God to establish the work of our hands.  I realize if I establish it myself, it fails.

I ’M nobody! Who are you?
Are you nobody, too?
Then there ’s a pair of us—don’t tell!
They ’d banish us, you know.

How dreary to be somebody!
How public, like a frog
To tell your name the livelong day
To an admiring bog!

–Emily Dickinson (Part One: Life #27)

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June 30th, 2010

Battle Wounds

by MB

Somedays I just feel like, as they say in blogsphere, “Parenthood: FAIL”. Today was definitely one of those days, full of violence, cuss words, and hate. That just was from me. That doesn’t even tell you what my kids are guilty of.

So, I’m outside gardening today. As a backdrop, my almost 4 year old son has been so naughty these past few weeks. Mostly because I’ve been terrible at disciplining him. It’s my fault and I probably deserve such behavior. It’s hard to have the energy to toe the line when you just feel like giving up, so I’ve been horrible at it. So now my son is full of “no’s”, spitting at me, hitting me, and doing his own thing or “being wise in his own eyes”. I’m raising a punk. You can now add to this parent abuse.

So I’m sitting outside listening to this, and not taking the time to correct him and I’m just getting more and more mad at his obvious disrespect. Sigh. If I could go back, I’d drop the garden hoe and take him in the house to discipline him. Instead, I listen to him spit at me and tell me NO for the hundredth time and step all over my flowers after I told him to get out of my garden. I finally had enough and so I’m putting all the tools away and about to go inside and he runs away from me. So I chase him around our house, getting more mad as I run, and he is sassing me as he runs way ahead of me. He stops in the garage because apparently he thinks I forgot…which who could blame him because usually at this point, I do give up. He starts sweeping the garage with one our brooms and I go to grab him but he runs and throws the broom down. I slip on the broom kind of like those people who do those log roll things and I fall right on my left side. That whole side ached and I get up and start cussing like a sailor. Nice. I’m such a great role model.

All my kids are in the garage staring at me and I take him in the house and put him in his bed and tell him he is not to come out until I say. My youngest daughter comes in with a smirk on her face and asks me what happened. Really? She saw the whole thing. She just wanted to make light of my bad situation so I tell her if she just wants to laugh at me, she can leave. So she stomps outside mad at me because I called her out on her “laughable moment”.

So I’m sitting at the table, feeling sore and like a miserable parent and my son yells down the stairs “Mommy!” in the saddest voice he can muster up. I tell him to go to bed. I’m in no mood to listen to his whining. He says in another sad tone, “I want to say sorry.” Really? You should. So he comes down the stairs and hugs me for like 3 minutes probably cuz he doesn’t want to go to bed. Then finally he mutters with a frown “Mommy…sorry for making you fall on the broom. sorry mommy. Do you forgive me?” Sigh. There is no way I can be mad at him after such a cute apology. I apologized to him too for being mean and mostly for cussing like an idiot at him. I reminded him that he needs to obey the first time, whether he likes it or not.

UGH. Parenting is so hard. I suck at it. And I got the scars (or bruises) to prove it.

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May 18th, 2010

Dad’s Bible: The Father’s Plan Review

by MB

The book I requested to review was called The Dad’s Bible: The Father’s Plan. It is a New Century version Bible with devotionals and notes written specifically for Fathers. It has a focus on helping your children build up their faith and leaving a spiritual legacy.

First of all, I was not familiar with the New Century Version (NCV) before viewing this book. I looked up favorite passages to get a feel and came to the conclusion that this version is more readable and written to be better understood. The preface of this Bible explains more about why they chose this version and how the version was created. I think the version is fitting especially if this Bible were to be used for doing devotions with children, as well as a Father trying to use it in his personal Bible time.

This is not just a Bible, but also contains many helps and resources in each book of the Bible. This includes an introduction to each book, Walking in Authority which helps a Father walk in his God-given calling as a Father, Godly Character which promotes the fruits of the Spirit, Passing it on with an emphasis on teaching children, Questions and Answers which deals with those tough questions children might ask, and a Topical Index.

I’m not a Father, so I asked my husband what he thought of this Bible.  His first reaction was “Wow, you got this for free?”  After I answered him, then his response was, “That’s really cool.”  So I guess it got his seal of approval.

The binding of the book seems durable and long-lasting.  The print is very clear and easy to read.  Even older kids could read from it.  I personally would find it hard to mark up such a beautiful book or use it as a “study” Bible.  Everything about it reminds me of a keepsake, perhaps one the kids would remember as adults even.  It really is a beautiful book.  The pages are printed on paper that remind me of old texts or papyrus scrolls.  The book is hard covered with raised lettering and an olive green background.  The presentation of this book is well thought out and elegant.

Overall, the Dad’s Bible is a great resource for Fathers.  I think it would make a wonderful gift for any Father wanting to connect with his children.  Sure, any Bible can help men do that, but this one goes a step further and makes it much easier with all the insights, historical backgrounds, and the reminders of the legacy we as parents will be leaving our kids.  In my book, anything that promotes Father’s becoming more involved with their kids, especially their spiritual growth, gets my highest approval.

Disclosure: I received this book free from Thomas Nelson Publishers as part of their BookSneeze.com book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

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May 9th, 2010

Getting older

by MB

Why are we such temporal people?  I am finding myself feeling sentimental today.  The end of another year is coming to a close in Sunday School and in homeschool.  So much has happened this year.  So many things were hard to deal with, yet I feel sad they are coming to an end.

In my preschool class at church, it was extremely hard to serve every week.  Now we have 4 Sundays left.  Did I make a difference at all?  I kept asking myself that today.  One little girl, Maili, told me that she kept one of the cards I sent her at the beginning of the year.  She said that she kept it in a box.  At the beginning of the year, I felt like I had it in me to be a go-getter and serve and send cards and encourage.  The year is coming to a close and I feel somewhat stretched and relieved it is almost over. But I’m sad.  Where did my “go-getter” passion go?  Not only that, I will truly miss the kids.  I don’t know if I helped in any way to get them to see Jesus.  I did try.  I don’t know if any of it stuck with them.  I do know that when I am there, they climb on me and tell me things about their lives.  They tell me about their families and people who are sick or people who don’t know Jesus.  And we pray.  I feel honored that they would even let me in their world.  I’m sad because I feel the finality of it.  I feel a little sentimental about the fact that they won’t be with me every Sunday.  Next year, I am not serving in this capacity due to the strains it put on my life in so many ways.  I feel like I need to do something less taxing.  Yet, I’m sad that I won’t be there.  I won’t get to see the silly 4 year olds dancing or saying verses or telling me stories.  I just need to seize the day, yet I don’t like goodbyes.

As for homeschool, this year has been tough.  I went from homeschooling full time to sending my daughter with ASD to public school part time.  It has required me to let go.  It’s been good, but hard.  I realize I am no longer needed as fully as I thought.  It’s all been a good thing.  I can’t be everything to everyone.  I just don’t always know how to embrace letting go.  My children are getting older.  My son is no longer a toddler.  He’s potty trained and running through the yard.  He pretends he is mowing like his dad.  He’ll be 4 this summer.  And I’m reminded how fast everything changes.  He isn’t my baby anymore.  My daughters are becoming young women.  My oldest is 11 and 5’6.  Can you believe that?  5’6!!  Her feet are one size smaller than my own.  My other daughter will be 8 in a few weeks.  Next year they will be in 6th and 3rd grade.  My son is only a year away from starting Kindergarten.  And it is so hard.  I want them to stay with me forever.

I want to be the mom that embraces every day.  I want to embrace the ordinary, the mundane.  I don’t want to take one minute of it for granted.  Because before I know it, they will be gone.  Just yesterday, it seems, they were wanting to be held, cuddled, and played with.  Now they are more independent and need me less.  It’s kind of a scary thing for me.  My life is so wrapped up in my children.  Yet, I know that this isn’t all there is.  I fear them being gone.  I fear what comes after all of this.  I trust God has a bigger plan for me.  I trust my role just isn’t a mother…even though this role has been one of the most challenging roles in my entire life.  I know I need to take it day by day and embrace the moment, not worrying about what will come.  I won’t lie.  I’m a little sad on Mother’s Day.  What will the next ones bring?  Will I always feel sad as they get older or will I enjoy the fact that I am able to watch them grow older and be all God wants them to be?  Will I be a backseat driver to their lives and have to sit on pins and needles hoping they don’t mess up everything?  Or can I just let it go?  Can I let God take over and let Him be the “everything” that they need?  I know I must.  Yet, today I feel just a little bit sad knowing that this day will end and they will grow up.  Will they always love me?  Will the things I taught them be enough?  Or will they be like my siblings and hate each other and visit only once or twice a year or when I’m in the hospital?

Lord, help me to trust each of these days, the good and the bad, to your perfect plan.

(This picture was of me & my daughter.  She’s 11 now.)

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