The last few days I have felt worn out and “blue”. The weather has not been nice at all. My Bible Study plans were canned due to bad roads and I live 25 minutes from church. I have been feeling somewhat isolated lately. On top of that, my mom had hip surgery yesterday and I think some of my family members were irritated at me because she put me down as a contact. Basically I get news first, although I really didn’t so I don’t know why that stuff matters. It was not my idea.
My house has also been in a rut. Actually, I have been in a rut and my house looks dilapidated. Ok, not really, but it needs some major help. I broke up the rooms by day and will have to tackle it that way. It’s just too much work for one person. My kids haven’t been overly helpful lately, but I’m working on getting them to help me. They just want to watch TV and veg out. Can I blame them? That is all I want to do as well. I dislike the midwest and wish for warmer temps and a lot less snow. I don’t like skiing or iceskating or sledding. I just want winter to be over, but I know I have atleast 2 more long months of this stuff. The sun peeked out for about 2 hours today, but it doesn’t help much. I just feel depressed when I look at all the snow and realize how cold it is.
How can one be joyful when the world feels so cold and lonely? When I step into church and I feel like no one would notice if I vanished? Or I talk with my family and they seem like my very existence is repulsive to them? Well, the hope I cling to in days like today is that I have a perfect friend who will never leave me or forsake me. He knows every step I take. He knows everything about me. He knows when I don’t show up to church or when my heart hurts because my family isn’t kind. He knows when I can’t hardly make it out of bed. He sees it all and knows all of it before I even do it. That brings me comfort.
I have been trying to learn Bible Arcing. It’s really hard, but I really want to learn it because I feel like my Bible Studies will improve if I do it. But I’ve done pretty much all of the training online but I feel like I need to go over it again because my brain feels hazy in some areas. Anyway, as I was doing the training yesterday, one of the verses stuck out to me. It was 1 John 4:10:
In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins.
In Bible Arcing, you look to see how each preposition relates to one another. I wouldn’t even have noticed this or thought through this had I not been doing the training. I have heard this verse many times, but for some reason when I heard it yesterday it really spoke to me. “Not that we have loved God” was what stuck out to me. It’s not how much we love God. Of course, we need to love God and seek to love Him more, but that is not the meaning of God’s love for us. To me, this verse is saying the true meaning of love is not based on how much we can love God or how much we love Him now, its based on the fact that He loves us. How does He love us? He loves us by sending His Son to be the propitiation for our sins. I know its a simplistic truth, but for some reason God wanted me to hear it in a new way yesterday.
Some days I wake up and I don’t feel like I love God, but that is not the basis of God’s love for me. He loves me. He already sent His son to die for all my sins not because He knew I’d love Him back. Not because I was good or did anything great. But because God is a loving God and the giver of good and perfect gifts and sent the most perfect gift – the one I most needed, His Son. So even if I’m feeling unjoyful and that the world around me is a cold and lonely place to be, God loves me. He loves my crabby, selfish, prideful, gloomy, unrepentant, ungrateful heart. In this is love. God showed it. I just have to accept it.
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Wednesday, January 27th, 2010, 4:33 pm | 
Encouragement | 
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January 27, 2010 at 11:34 pm
Make up your mind to love winter as much as you love God. After all, winter is one of God’s gift to us. Challenge yourself to brave the cold, and ask God if that is the best He can do.
I too, felt the same about winter. I longed to move to a warm climate, but my family is in the mid-west. So I stayed. I told myself that if I was going to survive, I had to embrace winter. I took up winter sports, and enjoyed them. I still love to get out and work in the yard when it is cold and there is snow on the ground. It is so peaceful. It a time for me to commune with God, and nature. A simple walk around the block is all I do at times, but I do it because winter is God’s gift to me.
January 28, 2010 at 1:26 pm
I’ve tried to embrace winter, but when it gets to -20 here, I don’t know how anyone can embrace that! Snow is one thing, being cold like the artic and living in it, is quite another. I do see your point though. I just wish for winter to be a tad warmer…you are a better man than I.
February 4, 2010 at 1:16 am
my solution: let’s just pick up and move to a warmer state!
ok, i know i made it sound easier than it is, but seriously. it’d be nice to have a much shorter winter.
anyway, i have never heard of Bible Arcing before, but it sounds like a pretty awesome way of looking @ things. ps. i love your posts!
February 4, 2010 at 10:15 am
Agreed. If I could, I certainly would! Bible Arcing is really hard. I know how to do it somewhat, but my brain won’t let me go back there to actually keep learning it. It tells me its circuits are fried, therefore, I’m taking a break lol