Archive for ‘Home Education’

August 31st, 2010

When I grow up

by MB

I was looking for books at the library on “Rome” and came across this book.  It was written about Rome, of course, but it was illustrated by a name that sounded really familiar.  I knew the person who illustrated it.  He had gone to my church when I was 17.  I remembered buying a shirt from him when I was 17 and thought of how talented he was.  Now he is illustrating books and making comic books.  I started following him on Facebook. His mom and my mom were friends at one point.  I visited his blog and looked at his numerous sketches.  He was quite the talented artist.

It got me thinking though about who I was in high school.  All the hopes I had.  All the things I wanted to be.  I always wanted to be a journalist, but knew I was much to shy to do things like interviews.  I wanted to write books.  I never even made it to college.  In some ways, I just don’t feel like I “made something” of myself.  I got married, had kids, and now I homeschool.  There is no fame in any of that.  It is what it is.  Nothing spectacular or stunning about it.  I live a life of normalcy.  I don’t feel all that talented most days.

Why do we feel like we have to be something special?  Why do we feel like if we lack talent or a certain skill that we are less?  I know I feel that way.  I wake up and my house is my job.  My kids are my job.  Educating them daily is my job.  It’s not glorified.  It’s not always pretty.  Sometimes its downright lonely.  It often is a mirror showing all my frailties as a human.  Many times there is no pretty bow to wrap the package that this is.  It’s just life.  I can’t sing.  I can’t dance.  I certainly can’t draw.  I can’t even make anything out of origami.  By human standards, I’m not all that talented.  I could have made something of myself.  I could have gone to college and been a writer or done something successful.

Here’s the thing:  That wasn’t God’s plan for me. Who am I to question God’s plan?

I can’t draw, but I can find resources to teach my kids to learn.  I might never write a book, but I enjoy blogging and emailing and can be thoughtful enough to send a hello to someone who might need it.  I can’t sing, but I sang all my babies to sleep.  To them, it meant something and still does.  I never went to college, but somehow I taught myself web design and everyday am teaching myself what it means to be a homeschool mom.  I’m always learning.  And these hands could not make much out of anything, but they give the best hugs to my kids when they need it, wipe tears away, and flip through pages of books and most importantly the Bible.  These feet haven’t traveled all that far from home, but they have walked on paths that God has led me down.  My voice isn’t very loud nor will I ever feel ambitious enough to preach a sermon or stand up in front of thousands with just my voice to be heard with some worthwhile sayings on my lips, but they have said a quiet “I love you”, spoken a truth to lead my kids back to God’s path, or simply have said “I’m sorry.  Please forgive me.”

No, I’m not talented.  I did not become what I wanted to be when I was 17.  But what I am is far better than what I could have done.  Better yet is where I am headed.  We will all stand and give glory to the One who really deserves it someday.  In the meantime, I pray that I will constantly be humbled by how God has brought me through and what He has planned for me.

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August 16th, 2010

Tabernacle

by MB

You might just be getting short and sweet posts this week.  Perhaps that is better.  I am expecting company on Friday and over the weekend as well as trying to prep for the upcoming school year and I am about to pull my hair out.  Oiy.  Anyway, I thought I’d just share some photos  I took today of our trip to see a replica of the Tabernacle in Hudson, WI. 


We learned last year about the tabernacle for school, but this made it come to life.  I thought the guy talked too much, but I did love the actual representation fo the tabernacle and how it will forever be in my mind when I read about it.  I hope it will for my kids too.

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August 4th, 2010

Back to school basics

by MB

It’s hard for me to set goals lately or even think too far into the future. Sometimes I can’t recall what I did yesterday. Pretty normal stuff when you are in grief. But the days are inching closer to the start of when I need to start school and I thought I’d write a post about why I homeschool my kids. Now before doing so, I must put this out there: if you don’t homeschool – no worries. I really am not about attacking people nor does one need to get all riled up because they don’t homeschool. I just know for our family, it is what works. But I also have to remind myself why I do it at all because there are days and months where I just feel like “Why am I doing this?” As with any ministry or fulfilling job that you feel called to do, there are probably more bad days than good. But we can’t see the fruit of it yet. Someday we will. And just because something is easier, doesn’t mean it should be so. I think this is true of home education.

1) We homeschool because we want our kids to have a close relationship with God. We feel that this is the most important thing. Of course, this can be taught in private school too but really it starts at home. I must admit, this is a scary thing for me. My kids are around me all. the. time. So, they see the worst of me probably more so than the best of me. They see the awfulness of my sin. But in a way, this is a great thing. It’s really a great thing for them to see me being awful. You know why? Because after I’m awful, I know I’m being awful and I show them by being humble that God forgives.

This is a really key thing that I must remind myself. Yes, I’m awful. We all are. But God in His great mercy chooses to forgive me. And He forgive their awfulness too. So if they are seeing my awfulness, humility, repentence, and then reconciliation with them, they are seeing something huge. They are seeing something imperfect and horrible become forgiven. And they are forgiven too. And this plays out daily in our lives. There are lots of ways for me to show my horrible sin nature and lots of reasons for me to ask them to forgive me. Not only that, but between each other too. And with all of this going on, this relationship, difficult stuff, they are daily reminded of their need for God and how God is all that He says He is. There are so many other aspects like praying for others, fights between siblings that become mended, heart issues, etc that we deal with daily. It’s hard not to teach them about God in it. And when they see that, they see so much. So it doesn’t have to be this thing where I’m super mom. It’s me being humble and asking God to help me throughout my day and when things fall as they do, God picks the pieces up. The kids see that. The kids know God.

And of course, we teach the kids about the Bible.  We use My Father’s World which does a really nice job of showing God throughout the subjects that are taught.  I like that “Bible” isn’t just a subject.  It’s a way of life…it’s the foundation that everything else builds upon.  It’s the springboard for all other things that go on in our day and without it, we have nothing.  Any other way would just be fruitless education in the room of our house.

2) We homeschool because we care about the atmosphere of learning. Go to any school and you will find desks of students.  Some students will be enthralled with whatever the teacher is teaching.  Other students will have a blank stare and no clue what the teacher is talking about.  There might be 20 students in that class, but only 60% are actually doing well in the class.  I’m not about to get down on teachers for this because how can one person adapt to 20 children?  They can’t.  But as a homeschool mom, you bet I can do that for my kids.  One child in my house hates noise.  The other child likes workbooks and probably would thrive in a school setting.  My other child is the noise in which my first child hates (ha ha).  This is an obvious frustration at home, but not an impossible one.  What I have learned to do is teach the child who hates noise, get her started and then tell her to pick a place to do her homework that is quiet.  The other daughter who loves workbooks is already started on her work and I don’t need to do much.  She’s a go-getter.  My youngest loud child then gets Mom for 20 minutes so I read to him on the couch.

I can’t imagine how my oldest, noise hating daughter would be like in an average class setting.  She does go to public school 2 hours a day for special ed classes, but there are only 6 kids including her.  It’s manageable.  She’s not in a class of 20 or so kids getting lost in the crowd.  She’s doing well in subjects like history, science, and Art.  She has the opportunity to grow because any hurdles she has gets addressed right away.  Of course, homeschool is not perfect.  Some kids can fall behind and my daughter was, but thankfully God showed us what she needed at just the right time and now she’s progressing.  We know we can change things to suit our kids.  Our class isn’t a one-size-fits-all.  We adapt.  We grow.  We change.  We move forward.

3) We homeschool because we want our children to have positive friendships and relationships. I mentioned our family above.  Let me go a step further and say that my kids are best friends.  Yes, they have moments and sometimes days where they get on each other’s nerves, but they love each other so much.  They are buds.  There are many teachable moments in parenting and this doesn’t end when kids go to school.  It’s just the beginning!  When I think of all the heart-to-heart conversations I’ve had with my kids and all the correction and heart training they would not have received had they not been homeschooled, I am thankful.  Are my kids perfect?  By no means. They have faults.  Have you read this blog?  Their mom is at the top of the fault list!  But we work through it.  If we were perfect, we would have no need for God.

To expand on this, my kids have friendships that are positive ones.  The kids they hang out with are not lying, cheating, swearing, disrespectful kids.  In fact, they are quite the opposite.  They don’t just have good manners.  They have morals.  They aren’t just kind, they love others and forgive.  There is a big difference.  And I’m thankful for the relationships my kids have developed.

Socialization is always a big question towards homeschooling families.  My take is that when kids learn to interact with their own family first, then friends, then others (church, groups, and other activities), they gain a whole lot of socialization skills.  Socialization is not an issue anymore.  Sure you will hear your stupid stories of parents who abused their kids and homeschooled them, but the media tends to play those stories up.  Homeschooled kids are just as social, if not more, than “normal” kids who are not homeschooled.  Sure there are weird kids but their are weird kids in public school too.

4.) We homeschool because we feel called to raise up a Godly generation. Deuteronomy 6:5-9 says, “Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads.  Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates.”  This is our verse for our school.  This is the reason we homeschool our kids.  This is why we do what we do.  We believe homeschool is the best way for our kids to learn about God in all aspects, not just as a simple subject in passing, but in everything they do.  In 1 Corinthians 10:31, it says “So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.”  I am finding the more I homeschool, the more I see God in everything.  Learning about everything He created and the plans that He has ordained for me and for my kids, allows me to know Him much deeper.  When we know God and we learn His ways and we love Him, we can serve Him in ways we never imagined.  I think homeschool is the head-start, the inspiration, the springboard into loving God more fully.  And although no school is perfect nor am I guaranteed results, I know that these days will never be wasted.  It will not return void. I believe this promise for our homeschool from Isaiah 55:10-12:

As the rain and the snow
come down from heaven,
and do not return to it
without watering the earth
and making it bud and flourish,
so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater,

so is my word that goes out from my mouth:
It will not return to me empty,
but will accomplish what I desire
and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.

You will go out in joy
and be led forth in peace;
the mountains and hills
will burst into song before you,
and all the trees of the field
will clap their hands.

I feel more goal-oriented. How about you? Do you set goals for your children/family/self and check to see how you are doing? How do you evaluate and keep these goals in mind throughout the year?

(PS-The picture above was taken the very first day I homeschooled my girls.  This is my 6th year.  How time flies by.  Difficulties are always the norm, but God is good)

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July 19th, 2010

Case of the blahs

by MB

I’d really like to talk to a mom that has it all together. Oh wait…I think everyone but me does. Or at least they are way more organized, pleasant, and God fearing than I am. I just think about all the hopes and dreams I had for my kids before I started homeschooling them and being home with them. I really thought that I would change and become more like Jesus. That somehow God would make my life less restless and full of peace and less of wandering. That I would somehow be able to face adversity with head strong conviction and not waiver one bit in my beliefs.

Yet, here I am. And I hate to compare, but its what I do. It’s how I roll, I guess. I think we all do it to some degree.

This is my 6th year into homeschooling. 6 years. I think this is the longest I’ve ever stuck to anything except for breathing. And in ways, yes, I have stood in the face of adversity. Simple adversity though — like people saying my kids are stupid or questioning me as a homeschooling mom and how dare I? Who cares? That is so minor in comparison. Insulting? Yes. But nothing really for me to question my faith about.

The thing that makes me waiver most days between the “YES! This is my calling” and “Oh good grief. God made some kind of mistake.” is how I see myself and how I view others. There are many moms who have been doing this thing for way less years who have great kids who listen and are obedient and mindful and smart. Then there are my kids – autistic, meltdowns once a day, sensory overload, tantrums, “I hate you’s” and me at the end of my rope. And I think to myself “I suck at this”. And I’m not exaggerating. I do. I can make up a schedule but two days from now, I will have abandoned it. I can be consistently disciplining my kids but then I just grow tired. I can be excited about homeschooling one week but the next I feel like I’m failing my kids and they should be taught by organized, college educated teachers.

Of course there is the aspect that “those are my kids and I want what is best for them” but I can honestly say, somedays I just want what is best for me. Somedays I just want to wither away into nothingness and hope that they can understand someday that it wasn’t a plot against them. That I loved them. Will they understand? I’m their Mom. If a Teacher did that, no one would care. She doesn’t love my kids anyway (or so the theory goes…no bad feelings towards teachers AT ALL here, just making a point). They could use the excuse that she has a full classroom, her schedule is too rigid, she is under a ton of pressure…so on and so on. But when you are the Mom and homeschool teacher, the failings of your kids are a heavy burden. And I feel it. I am reminded of it when my son tells me “No” or my daughter doesn’t want to talk to me or my other daughter stomps off in a fit of rage. I feel like those bad things are my fault and because I didn’t do something right, there it is to haunt me again and again. I must live with the mess I’ve created.

Then there is me. I’m ugly and resentful and mourning. I can’t keep it together. I fall apart on a daily basis. I’m annoying (just ask my husband). I’m inconsistent and critical. I am the epitome of “good intentions that lead to nowhere”. I have plenty of good intentions. I love good intentions. My brain thrives off good intentions. But then I get into the nitty gritty and I hate those same intentions because they feel like extra weight and a burden I just can’t bring myself to follow through on. So I give up. And I have once again failed at something. And its not pretty. I feel like the world’s worst Mom. I try to overcompensate by being extra loving or playful one day. But then again, I’m back to the ugliness of being me. And I think, maybe I’m just not cut out for this homeschooling mom thing? Because even though other moms fail, at least they have back up. My backup is anger and its not helpful. It makes things worse.

So anyway, I’m frustrated with myself lately. Inconsistent, failure, hopeless wreckage known as MB. I salute all you Moms who “get it”. I seriously have not arrived. Will I ever?

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May 9th, 2010

Getting older

by MB

Why are we such temporal people?  I am finding myself feeling sentimental today.  The end of another year is coming to a close in Sunday School and in homeschool.  So much has happened this year.  So many things were hard to deal with, yet I feel sad they are coming to an end.

In my preschool class at church, it was extremely hard to serve every week.  Now we have 4 Sundays left.  Did I make a difference at all?  I kept asking myself that today.  One little girl, Maili, told me that she kept one of the cards I sent her at the beginning of the year.  She said that she kept it in a box.  At the beginning of the year, I felt like I had it in me to be a go-getter and serve and send cards and encourage.  The year is coming to a close and I feel somewhat stretched and relieved it is almost over. But I’m sad.  Where did my “go-getter” passion go?  Not only that, I will truly miss the kids.  I don’t know if I helped in any way to get them to see Jesus.  I did try.  I don’t know if any of it stuck with them.  I do know that when I am there, they climb on me and tell me things about their lives.  They tell me about their families and people who are sick or people who don’t know Jesus.  And we pray.  I feel honored that they would even let me in their world.  I’m sad because I feel the finality of it.  I feel a little sentimental about the fact that they won’t be with me every Sunday.  Next year, I am not serving in this capacity due to the strains it put on my life in so many ways.  I feel like I need to do something less taxing.  Yet, I’m sad that I won’t be there.  I won’t get to see the silly 4 year olds dancing or saying verses or telling me stories.  I just need to seize the day, yet I don’t like goodbyes.

As for homeschool, this year has been tough.  I went from homeschooling full time to sending my daughter with ASD to public school part time.  It has required me to let go.  It’s been good, but hard.  I realize I am no longer needed as fully as I thought.  It’s all been a good thing.  I can’t be everything to everyone.  I just don’t always know how to embrace letting go.  My children are getting older.  My son is no longer a toddler.  He’s potty trained and running through the yard.  He pretends he is mowing like his dad.  He’ll be 4 this summer.  And I’m reminded how fast everything changes.  He isn’t my baby anymore.  My daughters are becoming young women.  My oldest is 11 and 5’6.  Can you believe that?  5’6!!  Her feet are one size smaller than my own.  My other daughter will be 8 in a few weeks.  Next year they will be in 6th and 3rd grade.  My son is only a year away from starting Kindergarten.  And it is so hard.  I want them to stay with me forever.

I want to be the mom that embraces every day.  I want to embrace the ordinary, the mundane.  I don’t want to take one minute of it for granted.  Because before I know it, they will be gone.  Just yesterday, it seems, they were wanting to be held, cuddled, and played with.  Now they are more independent and need me less.  It’s kind of a scary thing for me.  My life is so wrapped up in my children.  Yet, I know that this isn’t all there is.  I fear them being gone.  I fear what comes after all of this.  I trust God has a bigger plan for me.  I trust my role just isn’t a mother…even though this role has been one of the most challenging roles in my entire life.  I know I need to take it day by day and embrace the moment, not worrying about what will come.  I won’t lie.  I’m a little sad on Mother’s Day.  What will the next ones bring?  Will I always feel sad as they get older or will I enjoy the fact that I am able to watch them grow older and be all God wants them to be?  Will I be a backseat driver to their lives and have to sit on pins and needles hoping they don’t mess up everything?  Or can I just let it go?  Can I let God take over and let Him be the “everything” that they need?  I know I must.  Yet, today I feel just a little bit sad knowing that this day will end and they will grow up.  Will they always love me?  Will the things I taught them be enough?  Or will they be like my siblings and hate each other and visit only once or twice a year or when I’m in the hospital?

Lord, help me to trust each of these days, the good and the bad, to your perfect plan.

(This picture was of me & my daughter.  She’s 11 now.)

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