Archive for ‘Church Life’

May 24th, 2010

My sarcastic rant about Christians

by MB

I haven’t posted much lately.  One reason was my family and others reading this blog who tend to lurk, but don’t say anything.  I just feel like its kind of snoopy.  They get to read all about me, but never comment.  I don’t know…I kind of feel like this blog is just not all that I want it to be and I kind of get tired of all the “preachy” stuff.  I’m in a funk.  I just don’t want to think about serious stuff right now in my life.  I have been posting at my other blog, but that blog allows me to show my much more witty side.  I don’t feel like I can be witty here at all without offending someone.  I just feel like when I do that, there is always some person who gets mad and throws a bible verse at me.  I just grow tired of it.

I haven’t read many blogs either.  Once again, I just feel like I’m always one step away from an argument.  I have some pretty strong opinions and I get tired of people telling me I’m narrow minded, judgmental, blah blah blah.  Whatever.  I’m sure if we inspected those people a little more closely, we’d find some ugly crap too.  Whatever. At least I’m upfront about who I am.  I never claimed to be perfect.  It’s a big reason why I hate most church functions or “jumping on the bandwagon” types of things.   So go back to preaching from the rooftops about how perfect you are and how God elected you.  While your at it, go pray in tongues for me since you are so enlightened to have such a gift and I’m not.  Barf.  I don’t even care.  If that is what Christianity is, I want out.

Today someone came on my other blog and made a comment about Jesus die hards and how they can’t shut their mouths.  She didn’t know I was a Christian.  I stood there for 25 minutes trying to reply back because 1) If I stated I was a Christian, she already thinks really low of them, and 2) I do not want to be grouped in with loud mouths, know-it-alls who think their crap doesn’t stink.  Sorry to inform you, but it smells!  I ended up replying, but still cringed when I posted it not knowing how she would take my reply.  It’s probably not a big deal, but I just am so frustrated with the “holier than thou” attitudes that I find in the church and even on Christian blogs.  It’s like we are just talking to other Christians.  What if a person who was not a Christian hopped over to our blog?  They’d quickly leave.  There is no humility anymore and I think that sucks.

Well anyway, that is my rant.  Feel free to post your 10 point sermon below about how I am angry, need more of Jesus, and should get the gift of tongues so I won’t grieve the Holy Ghost.  Oh and smile, Jesus loves you.

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May 19th, 2010

The Best Goodbye

by MB

There’s just something that I don’t like about goodbyes. Ok, I’m not saying anything profound right now, but really…goodbyes make me feel empty. Whether its goodbye to a job, a house, another year of school, a friend, or a loved one, it doesn’t seem to help me at all knowing that one door being shut means another one opens. I just don’t find much satisfaction in that.

Tonight I attended an appreciation dinner for the Children Ministry. I was one of many people who have served in our church’s children classes. I’m in the 4 year old class. I have 3 weeks left.

People shared a story about a lady who had served for 20 years and another lady for 24 years who was stepping down. The first lady died recently. She fought Lukemia for 16 months, but in the end, God decided it was time for her to go home. She had not been in the classes once she got sick but she promised that she would pray for each child by name. Over the years, she was able to see children who had been in her classes graduating from high school, then college, and then getting married. She touched the lives of around 500 children who had walked through her classrooms each and every year. What a legacy she left.

The lady who had been there 24 years stood up to speak about her friend dying, how she was stepping down, and the legacy her friend had left. I didn’t know either of these women, but the “goodbye” portion of her talk and the death of her good friend left me thinking about how goodbyes, while on this earth, are empty. What will happen to this friends family? Her school aged kids? What will this woman do now that her friend is gone? Her ministry is turning a new leaf? These things weighed on my mind. The sentimental part of me really hates goodbyes and changes and things not staying as they are.

I was reminded of 1 John 2:15-17 “Do not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For everything in the world—the cravings of sinful man, the lust of his eyes and the boasting of what he has and does—comes not from the Father but from the world. The world and its desires pass away, but the man who does the will of God lives forever.”

For Christians, in death and in seeing Jesus, we will no longer feel the weight of the goodbye. Being with Jesus will be far better than this world. We won’t long for earth. We will embrace our heavenly home and our heavenly Father with arms wide opened. What we will know in heaven will be far superior to any good thing we have here on earth. Saying goodbye will no longer feel like a burden, but instead, like a burden lifted. I look forward to that day with much anticipation.

How do you feel about changes, saying goodbye, or things not staying as they are? Is it hard for you, like it is for me, to accept that life is full of ups and downs, doors opened and closed, and good things coming to an end? How do you embrace that?

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May 12th, 2010

Churches

by MB

If I’m being completely honest, I must inform you, I’m a church jumper. Well I was. Or am. Not sure if I still am. Maybe. Anyway, we’ve been to so many churches in our married life, I stopped counting. Most of the first ones were us trying to find what we wanted in a church. Our current church is great and I have no plans on leaving it, although at times I do feel like my feet still are not planted there. I help every week in the Sunday School class, yet I know hardly anyone. We’ve been there for almost 2 years. I know *of* people. I’ve met people, but I have not had the opportunity to know them real well.

The last church we attended, we left totally disgusted. The church just wanted to preach things that “itching ears wanted to hear”. Verses were split apart and words taken out as not to offend (any verse on drunkenness was sure to not be covered). The common sermons were about grace. There was no “wrath of God” talk at all. The group of people we were in which was supposed to be a place to learn to serve, learn about God, and grow, became nothing more than a fan club. Who is the most popular? Who dresses the best? Who has the nicest houses? It was sickening. So we left. Sadly probably not in the best way, we ran the other direction.

In that process, I got hurt by many people. Our leaving, while we weren’t trying to hurt our friends there, I guess we did. Many of them stopped talking to me. I see some of them around town sometimes and they won’t even look at me. It’s like I personally offended them by leaving the church.

In a weird turn of events, many of those people are now leaving that same church. Guess where they are going? My church. Now I got an email that there is a church plant starting in my town, so I have the option of staying at my church which is about a 25 minute drive or attending in my city which would be like a 5 minute drive. Logistical, this would make sense for us to go there. It’s close. It’s smaller. We can get to know people more intimately. They will need more hands to serve. We can grow with the church.

The problem with all of this though is that many of those same people who left my old church and are coming to my new church will also be going to this branch. Right now its easy. There are so many people at Bethlehem that I can be lost in a crowd and never see them. I can have my own circle of people, as limited as it is, that I am around. I can go to church and never even run into them. The church is so big and has so many services, that I really don’t need to worry about it. At a new branch, a smaller branch, I certainly would. It’s not that I hate these people. I even miss some of them sometimes. I have fond memories since we were at that church about 3 years. I guess in a way, how can I trust them again? I don’t want to feel like an outsider in a small church. That is my fear.

Part of me feels like its a way to reconcile with them. Then part of me is sad to even consider leaving Bethlehem. It’s the one church that I felt sent me back to God. After all the dry sermons, the lies, the false teaching–it was the place where I had my moment of finally getting it. I know I will always get that at Bethlehem. Yet I don’t want to church hop–that is not my goal. I just want us to be where God wants us.

I know I just need to pray about it. I wish I felt like my church was my home, but so far I don’t. Sometimes going to church makes me feel even more lonely because I see how many people are and yet I know none of them all that well. I just feel like a face in a crowd. And maybe God has a good reason for that…

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February 16th, 2010

Hurting People and the Church

by MB

This is a continuation of my last post. I hope, although fallen as I am, I can help as we surround ourselves with hurting people.

From my own experience, I can come at this from two angles. The first angle is being the one who is hurting. There have been many times I’ve reached out for help from others and what I found there is even more lonely. Some common answers to my problems were “just have more faith”, “go seek a shrink”, “read your Bible more”, “you need to deal with your shame” or “trust in Jesus”. I’ve also been told that my state of depression can be helped with a counselor and drugs. While I don’t doubt these things have their place, I feel its so sad that I have to pay someone to listen to me. As a Christian, why aren’t more people willing to come forward and be there for people who are hurting? Isn’t that what the church is for? Hurting people? It is often assumed that Christians should just be happy. I struggle with happy. I really do. I struggle with finding the joy in treasuring Jesus. The problem may just be my perspective. As Christians, shouldn’t we be encouraging those who are struggling until they can get to a point where God is their everything? Isn’t that a perfect example of biblical love? If we can’t comfort “our own”, how can we comfort a world full of hurting people?

The other angle I can take is that of a person who does comfort others. I must admit, I’m not perfect at this. I come to the table with broken and selfish ideas and thoughts. Nonetheless, I’ve walked through pain. I’ve seen the faces of my family as they mourned my brother’s sudden suicide. I’ve cried those tears myself on many occasions. I’ve asked the “why” questions and been the lunatic of angry thoughts at God for taking away people in my life. I’ve shut the door to people who have tried to care about me. So in a small way, I understand suffering. I don’t always understand certain types of suffering, but I can relate with my own small minded experiences. I know people who have suffered far greater than I. I certainly am not an expert. But I come with what I have and the perspective that God has given me based on what I’ve been through.

Those that suffer don’t need answers, necessarily. They just need to know that its ok to feel the way they do. I have found great comfort in knowing that David felt these feelings of wanting to die, that everyone hated him, that God was against him, etc. People who are suffering need to know that you’ve suffered in some way too. They don’t want you to say “I know EXACTLY how you are feeling”. Let’s face it: You don’t. Even if you have experienced something similar, you are not going to know exactly how that person feels. Each situation presents its own problems and trials. Telling someone to “Just trust God” feels uncaring. What if we wrapped our arms around someone in pain and said “I don’t know what you are going through, but God sees your pain”. How much more would this speak to them?

Maybe you have no real baseline for suffering. You can still pray that God would help you see His heart for that person. You can pray for that person. You can call them and see how they are doing. I have friends that have lost babies and my selfishness prevented me from taking note of the days they lost the baby or the baby’s due date. I wished I could go back in time and jot those dates down and remember and cry with them. In the least, send them a note saying I was thinking of them. But I did not. I could have blessed those who were hurting with something as small as a note. There are so many ways to comfort people, even if we can’t relate to what they are going through. Even though my friends have lost babies and I have never had that trauma myself, I can still feel sorrow for what they have lost. I can’t imagine living one day without my kiddos and I can see things in that light. So no matter how little you suffered, don’t use that as an excuse to not care. God will give us the wisdom to help others and teach us how to pray for them.

My way of caring might not be perfect. This is what I tend to do though. I have friends that will often call me and put it in my face that they are suffering. So, realizing that suffering is there hasn’t always been an issue. Mostly, I try to listen. I don’t try to give pat answers or uncaring advice. I never look at those times where they call me as a bad thing. I know God uses me in some small way. Some people get annoyed with people calling them. I probably used to be that way too. But over the last few years, I’ve realized that God gave me a gift of listening and also suffering with others (hurt with those who hurt) and so I embrace that. No phone call to me is annoying. I wish I could do more, but being homebound often is tough. So I email. I send notes. But most of all, I pray. I pray that these people would look to Jesus. I am human. I can’t do much. I can try to be a friend and someone who offers a listening ear, but God is the one who does the sanctifying work in our hearts. Truthfully, these people have often lent ears to me when I’m hurting too. So I don’t at all take it for granted.

There have been times though when I’ve seen a hurt and its not been “in my face” and since my caring tools are limited, I tend to shoot off an email to them to see how they are doing. I don’t want to be a person that just pretends it is not there. Sometimes I haven’t even known the person very well, but I’ll still email them or send them a note and that small token of concern goes very far. Sometimes people don’t want to share their pain, but if you say “I’m praying for you and thinking about you”, the next time I see them, they are more willing to get to know me. It opens up a door for me to learn more about them as well and know how to pray for them.

Relationally though, it would be easy for me to be stressed by problems all around me. I tend to stress out at my own problems. I wish I had something brilliant to say, but really I just try to do what I feel God is leading me to do in that certain situation. I have offered help in the form of meals, babysitting, or just going out to coffee. I think the point is that you do something. Doing nothing is not an option. Sometimes I’ve been shot down on these offers, but the point is that the offer is there and that you do care.

The most personal example I can give you is when my Mother in law died. My husband shut me out. He just didn’t think I could relate. This caused conflict in our marriage at the time. I offered to do things for his family even though I am not very fond of them. I made the funeral brochures. I filtered phone calls that I knew my husband couldn’t handle at the time. I let his family stay in our home, even though I had to bite my tongue the entire time they were here. I scanned all the pictures for the funeral slide show presentation. I created photo boards that hung outside the church service. I made sure the money from the funeral was protected. I tried to do things I knew I could do at the time. I was not well liked by most of my in-laws, but I didn’t let that hinder whatever God wanted me to do. I tried to reach out when I could. Was I a perfect reflection of Jesus? No. I was hurting too. Looking back, I was trying to do what I knew that I could do and hoping I’d somehow ease the suffering in some way. In the least, I was hoping to take some burdens off of the family. I don’t know if they really felt blessed by me or not, but later on my husband told me that he was. And after all the dust settled, he saw my heart was not how others saw me. He saw Jesus reflected in me. He knew that I could relate to him. That year was one of the hardest years for me. I saw ugliness from my in-laws and my husband that was anything but lovable. I was not a perfect person nor did I always act how God wanted me to, but I didn’t give up on my husband either. It was hard to love him at times and to show him that I cared, but in the end, I struggled through and never let my arms be too far from reach if he needed me.

What if we tried to do that in our circle of contact? I will repeat, I’m anything but perfect. But what if we let down our judgments and reached out to those who are anything but lovable? I try to remind myself of the ugliness I have inside of myself. If we laid down all our filth and dirt, I bet we’d realize we aren’t all that different. And isn’t that what Jesus did for us? He loves us despite our filth. He loves us knowing us so well. We can’t hide our dirt from him like we can people. He knows it all. It’s laid bare. And He still loves us. We can never truly be like Jesus, but we can set Jesus as our standard for loving. God is love and so we must ask God to make us more like Himself. We have plenty of unlovable people around us. Unlovable as they are, they are also hurting people.

When I think of people and how to help them, of course they need Jesus. I think of Jesus feeding the five thousand. I think of the little children coming to Him and the disciples trying to send those people away. Jesus didn’t send them away and neither should we. Instead, He blessed them with food and the children with prayers of blessing. These were ways that were simple, yet showed how much Jesus loved. We can all think of ways that we can reach out to those who are hurting. Learn about that person and their immediate needs and find a way to meet those needs. Offer to pray with them. Commit to praying for them during your devotional time. Seek them out. Most importantly, listen to how God wants you to respond to that person and be obedient. Ask God to show you people who are in need. Even if you are unable to devote hours of time to them, think of small things you can do to bless them.

1 John 3:16-18

“This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers. If anyone has material possessions and sees his brother in need but has no pity on him, how can the love of God be in him? Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth.”

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January 31st, 2010

The Good Samaritan

by MB

I love helping in the Preschool class at church.  You just never know what will come out of the mouths of 4 year olds.

Today, we told the story of the good Samaritan.  The Team Leader went up and started talking to the group of preschoolers about how if our brother or sister wants something and we want it too, we should give it to them.  The Team Leader said “So if there is one cookie left and your brother wants it, what should you do?”  A little boy raised his hand and said “Split it in half!!”  What was funnier is the Team Leader went on and said “if the cookie is already been split in half, then what should you do?”  Another little boy said “Split it in half again!”

I think the concept of giving something of yourself and you not getting anything was just too much to handle.  Who can blame them though.  Most adults don’t want to give away their cookies either.

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